When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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