you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
