4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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