I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
