Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
