i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
