I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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