Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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