How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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