Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As shirtless as possible
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
