I'm going to jail i love you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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