My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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