she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
