how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i think im in europe. pls send help
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
