so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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