One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
