I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
