Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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