Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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