Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
