I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
