Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
