what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
