if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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