my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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