now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
