if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
