I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
