he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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