Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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