Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
