The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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