I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
