I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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