Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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