So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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