The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize