Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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