my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
