Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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