If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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