just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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