Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
