When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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