I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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