how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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