NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
