as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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