Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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