lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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