I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
