when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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