and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She bit a glass in half.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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