I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
