yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
did i just pee glitter
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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