we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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