the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
