honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My feet surprised me
Randomize
