So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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