he shaved USA in his pubs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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