y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
