My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
