I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
