mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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