Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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