im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
