I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
