Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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