Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
