yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
