im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
