I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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