another moral hangover. fuck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My breasts were aching with rage.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
