Your face is a jimmy john
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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