So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
