it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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