Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
